


so we start spinning

by tsunderestorm



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Ficlet, Hallucinations, Post-Zero Requiem, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25528576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunderestorm/pseuds/tsunderestorm
Summary: “I’m not going anywhere.”Suzaku wonders if that’s a promise, or a threat.
Relationships: Kururugi Suzaku/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Kudos: 8





	so we start spinning

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt game on [tumblr](chanceoftsunderestorms.tumblr.com) and originally posted [here](https://chanceoftsunderestorms.tumblr.com/post/93089581660/i-dont-usually-get-upset-over-words-but-your).

Suzaku is tired of memories. He’s tired of white fabric that flows through his fingers the same way his emperor’s robes did, tired of feathers he finds on the ground that remind him of the collar of Euphy’s favorite dress, of the softest brush of her fingertips on his unworthy cheek. More than that, Suzaku is tired of ghosts, and there’s one haunting him day in and day out. He’s long since gotten tired of feeling the brush of Lelouch’s thin fingers on his hand when he puts on the Zero mask, like he’s encouraging him, grown weary of the way that he can _smell_ Lelouch sometimes – the bitter bite of coffee on his lips, the way his skin had always smelled like soap, clean and fresh. 

Sometimes, there is even the acrid tang of blood in the air, and he’s tired of that, too. Tired of being reminded that even if it was for the best, he’d still killed the person who’d meant the most to him for almost a decade. It was regicide, it was tyrannicide, and even all of the excuses he invents in his head in his head (it was what Lelouch had wanted, he was under orders, it was for the forward march of time, it was for _Nunnally_ ) don’t make it stop aching.

Some nights, it’s better than others – some nights he has banquets to attend, press conferences to preside over, political partnerships to broker. Those nights, he’s too tired by the time he gets home to even dream, and those nights, Lelouch does not visit him. 

Other nights, he’s not so lucky. Those nights, Lelouch sits on the windowsill in the apartment’s small bedroom, one leg hugged to his chest and the other dangling, toes barely brushing the floor, casual, the same way he’d sat as he looked out the picture window in the emperor’s quarters at Pendragon. Suzaku had watched him then, too, never really sure of what he was thinking (just like he watches him now, unsure if he’s real or not) and torn between wanting to kill and wanting to kiss him, knowing both will get him nowhere. Other nights he’s in bed with him, curled up at Suzaku’s back, a not-so-unwelcome presence but a haunting nonetheless.

It’s gotten to the point where Suzaku doesn’t know what to do when he’s not there, doesn’t know how to face a silent apartment and an empty bed. 

“I’m right here,” Lelouch whispers on the wind when Suzaku wakes in a cold sweat, fearful he’s been exorcised. “I’m not going anywhere.” Suzaku wonders if that’s a promise, or a threat.


End file.
